Meathead Diaries

2006-08-17T10:16:00.000-07:00

2006-08-17T10:10:00.000-07:00

2006-08-14T13:13:00.000-07:00

HOT NEW ZOMBIES VS. ALIENS TRACK: "High"

None of you guys have probably heard of the underground indie band Zombies vs. Aliens, so here's a taste.

2006-08-14T13:03:00.000-07:00

MY SECOND STAB AT ALTERNATIVE COMEDY

Hopefully I'll get Toni back with this one.

2006-08-11T11:54:00.000-07:00

MY STAB AT ALTERNATIVE COMEDY

Enjoy my bodcast.

Here's the lyrics to that Jet parody:

"Are You Gonna Be My Ally?"

Tell me 1 2 3
Tell me hos's it gonna be
Cuz if we're gonna be in this war together
Then you gotta be my ally

We are in
This together
We are gonna
Fight together

I got Britain
I got Poland
But now I don't have Japan

I miss my alliance
But now Poland just pulled out

So Britain?
Are you gonna be my ally?

I could see
Us in a war
But now we're not allies with Japan
Japan pulled out
And so did Poland
So I must ask Great Britain
Are you gonna be my ally?

2006-08-11T11:21:00.000-07:00

In this post, I teach you how to make fun of men and women during your comedy act.

2006-08-09T21:25:00.000-07:00

HOW TO DO A FUNNY SONG PARODY

Here's the lyrics to that Tila Tequila song

"I Wanna Fuck Tila Tequila" Lyrics:

I wanna fuck Tila Tequila
I wanna cop a feela
On an 18 wheeler
My balls look like soccer balls that say "Fila"
Oh...Keebler

I wanna fuck Tila Tequila
On an 18 wheeler
My balls look like soccer balls that say "Fila:
Keebler

I'm so glad that she's not Toni
I HATE my ex-girlfriend Toni
She's so stupid
cuz she won't fuck me anymore
She wants to fuck Bright Eyes
The stupid whore
But Tila Tequila?
Yeah, you know what Toni
You're right
Tila Tequila wanted to fuck me
Yeah
When you fought me
Saying that Tila Tequila wanted to fuck me
Cuz she was on my ????? on MySpace
Well guess what Toni
She did want to fuck me
Oooh!
I WANNA FUCK TILA TEQUILA
I wanna fuck her on an 18 wheeler
My balls look like soccer balls that say Fila
Keebler

UPDATE: OK, you got me, Tila Tequila doesn't really want to fuck me. But I wanna fuck Tila Tequila. I ain't the only one. Oh Tila if you're reading this, muuuah!

2006-08-08T20:37:00.000-07:00

DENNIS MILLER STYLE COMEDY

Today I'm going to teach you how to sound smart, like Dennis Miller-a great American hero.

2006-08-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

DELIVERY: GUY ERNEST STYLE

You know, food isn't only about how it tastes but how it looks. And comedy isn't about how it sounds, but how it's delivered.

2006-08-07T20:09:00.000-07:00

BEST VIDEO OF ALL TIME

Look at those colors! Amazing! It's so trippy. And stoned. And cooked. And ripped. And roasted. And toasted. And high on marijuana.

2006-08-04T13:23:00.000-07:00

MY KIND OF GAME

for my kind of guy

(from water coooler)

2006-08-03T19:55:00.000-07:00

IMPROV STAND-UP

NUFF SAID

2006-08-02T16:04:00.000-07:00

GOOGBYE AUDIO BOOK HELLO STAND-UP COMEDY

2006-08-01T14:04:00.000-07:00

HERE'S MY SECOND INTRODUCTION

2006-07-31T13:00:00.000-07:00

MY NEW AUDIO BOOK, MEAT CHIC: REVENGE OF THE JOCKS

What's up douchebags. I'm back from my Florida trip. In my time off I did some thinking and I came uo with a new audio book called Meat Chic: Revenge of the Jocks.

I have a new idea called brain supplements. I work at Vitamin Universe and all day I sell supplements for the body. Here are some supplements for the brain that go along with my audio book.

Rolling Stone talks about how meathead fights are the future of the internet

Why Ebaum's World is the site for meatheads

Jane McGonigal babbles like a stupid kiki bird about how video games are like performances and plays

2006-07-26T15:29:00.000-07:00

i'm on vacation on florida

c u monday douchebags

2006-07-21T07:28:00.000-07:00

NEED TO FORGET A STUPID FLOOZY?

Go to Ebaum's World and check out their stand-up section.

I swear I am not crying at the end. I am laughing. I'm screaming "Why" because I am jealous that I am not this funny.

2006-07-20T13:44:00.000-07:00

MY IDEA FOR A SHOW FOR HBO SUNDAY NIGHT

Starring ME!

2006-07-20T13:41:00.000-07:00

SNOBS UNITE!

Here's my take on the rumor that Apple and Nintendo are teaming up to have old Nintendo games on the iPod.

2006-07-19T11:32:00.000-07:00

Smooth versis Stupid

Today, I talk about Bush giving the Queen of Germany a massage, how stupid comedy music is and how beatiful David Hasslehoff's music is.

Here's the full video for David Hasselhoff's "Looking for Freadom."

2006-07-18T14:09:00.000-07:00

BEST PICKUPLINE EVA

If there's one thing Guy Ernest knows, it's ladies. Here's a pickupline that will make the madam say DAM!

A night with me is like breakfast at Burger King - either way, you wake up with the king.

Boom!

2006-07-18T11:52:00.000-07:00

MEATHEADS RULE ON MYSPACE

Evidence A

As Montel Williams said, this is how we do it.

2006-07-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

HOW MUSIC AND POETRY SAVED MY LIFE

MySpace and meatspace are nice places for meatheads to be. But the blogosphere, like Kenny Loggins said, is a danger zone for meatheads. Luckily, I found the new Audioslave song and I learned how to write poetry. Listen up chowderhead:

That's the very end of my poem. It sounds like I got cut off, but the timing was actually perfect. Shout outs to Stereogum and Audioslave for the music, my girlfriend Toni for teaching me the wonders of poetry and 1up.com for being the only website that's nice to me. Those guys have good hearts. 1up.com might have some nerdy guys who aren't musclebound heroes like me, but I will protect them anytime, anyplace anywhere.

Have a happy July 4th weekend.

2006-07-12T14:39:00.000-07:00

GUY VS. MO

REMEMBER THAT LITTLE B**CH NAMED MO WHO LEFT A COMMENT ON MY POST ABOUT AMERICA AND PUKKA SHELL NECKLACES? WELL I RIP HIM A NEW ONE HERE. ROUND ONE, JACKASS. DO NOT PURSUE IT MO!! YA HEAR ME?

2006-07-12T14:32:00.000-07:00

SPORTS BLOG, WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF ME

Here I talk about a sports blog which is OK, but I disagree with. Also, I talk about what people think about me on Yahoo Answers. 1st question I asked was what people think of meatheads - second one what people think of my blog.